I know I am a little bit crazy- I even have medical documentation to prove it. And I think it’s something I hate the most about myself. Constantly I’m fighting between two natures- the one side of me that is logical and serious and determined and driven, the side that powered me through school to record breaking grades. It is also the side that is a good listener, that knows the sense of selflessness and chooses to act always upon deep meditation of thought. This rivals the flip side of me. The crazy side. The side that drinks too much and laughs too loud, the life and soul of a party, the dirty minded minx who throws my heart around and my body, the side that dances all night long- to hell with the consequences!- and takes stupid risks, 100% spontaneous, fun and addictive. But that is also the side that cries constantly, the half of me that is utterly irrational and totally selfish, the part that wants everything to be handed to her peeled on a silver platter. That is the part of me that wallows in bed and cries when my hair looks bad. And I can never choose between the best and the fun. I am torn by a wish to be sophisticated and to be outrageous. This conflict loses me everything I care about, because when I can’t control it, everything begins to slip through the cracks.
Tonight a great weight sits on my chest. It is the weight of my foolishness and my regrets. Living as I do I have both few regrets and many. Tonight I have many.
Missing the missing pieces of my heart and soul.
Debbimouse, over and out.