New Beginnings

So. Here I am. I’m blogging from the IT suite at Falmouth University.
Are you surprised? Did you think I’d make it?
Here I am, two weeks in. I LOVE the work. I love learning again, I love writing again and discussions in classes and broadening my mind to new opinions and new ways of thinking. However, I am worried that this degree will scare me out of writing. I don’t think I want to be a writer anyway, not an author as such. I want to be a critic, or a journalist. And you know what? I reckon I’d be pretty damn good at it. Giving opinions, studying and researching. I’m thriving in this.
Of course, that’s only the one side to life.
What of the underbelly of university life? The all night drinking and orgies?
Well, lets just say last night was the first in 16 days that I didn’t have a single drink and more than four hours sleep. As for the orgies, I’ll keep you guessing 😉
I have to say though, it’s nothing special. Nothing more fun than my nights out back home or at a festival. Drinking is the same the world over, wherever you do it. And all the people gagging for sex kind of repulse me. Not that I’m exactly a nun, or subtle when it comes to being on the pull. But as everyone who reads my blog knows, I am a total screaming hypocrite, and proud!
As much as I am always willing for a crazy night out (house party tonight yeahhhhh) I actually enjoy the lectures and seminars much, much more. This was the best decision I ever made. I don’t miss living with my parents (although I do obviously miss them!), I love meeting new people and making new friends. My house mates are fantastic people, I totally adore them, I’m joining societies and having fun.
My only regret is that I can’t have my best friend with me in all of this. There is definitely some gutpunching that needs to be done around here! I feel like one half of Tom and Jerry, Elizabeth Barrett-Browning without her Robert. My Deni and just become Debbi.
But I solider on, and even without my bffl I’m coping reasonably well with the fact my cuntface ex broke up with me halfway through freshers (BY ANSWERPHONE MESSAGE NO LESS). Nah, he’s not a cunt, just a bit of an idiot and a lot confused. Oh well, he’ll be missing his sexy vixen and I’ll be running up the hills singing WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY (because I love that song) and flirting with anyone I please.
Debbimouse, off to enjoy life, over and out ❤


Everybody’s Human

I think sometimes people forget that everybody is human. They get so caught up in their emotions and pain and hurt and blame that they forget the people who caused it feel exactly the same way.
Ooh some bitch broke your heart? Well she’s at home crying about it too.
Ooh some bastard used you for a one night stand then never called again?
Every night he shakes because he’s so scared of being alone and hurting.
Ooh you lost your job?
Your manager is on the brink of losing the whole business and it’s their family’s home on the line.
Ooh your parents won’t get off your back about studying and sorting your act out?
They hate the life they’ve led, the situation they had to bring you up in because they never studied and they never followed their dreams. They want so much more from life for you.

Listen to me. Just for a moment stop and take it in. The world does not revolve around you and your feelings. Everybody makes mistakes, everyone struggles sometimes, everyone has skeletons in their closet, everybody hurts and cries and lies and breaks. Everything burns and fails and ends.
But that’s okay.
It’s OKAY.
You don’t need to make everything perfect. And nobody else does either. Learn how to forgive and forget and let go. You’ll never be happy if you’re always looking for someone to blame. Sometimes nobody was at fault.

This is particularly true of love.
Recently I’ve had a handful of male friends who I valued deeply fall out with me because they felt something I didn’t and have accused me of using them, leading them on, breaking their heart etc etc. No. You broke your own heart with false hopes. I promised you nothing. Sometimes you forget that I am only human too and your words hurt me. Show a little compassion, like I tried to do for you. It’s nobody’s fault, sometimes things just happen. I don’t have all the answers but I do have a solution or a coping message.
Let go of your pride.
Let go of your “right”.
Sometimes everybody is wrong.
Don’t dwell on it because it’s okay.
It’s all going to be okay.
So just let go.

Debbimouse, over and out.

P.S. A fantastic friend of mine Wolfe is looking for some new viewers! He’s a brilliant read, combination of dry humour, sarcasm and heartfelt honesty. Check him out!

Falling in front of buses

Falling in love is like jumping in front of a bus.
Hear me out here.
Have you ever ran in front of a bus? Felt the air rush past you as the huge metal beast misses you by centimeters, shaken with adrenaline, revelled in the way your breath catches. The sheer stupidity of it. That, is what falling in love is like.
Playing the dating game is like dodging traffic. You’re running around, having fun. It’s alright on quiet village lanes, or small town roads. But someday you’re gonna step onto a motorway. And those motherfuckers don’t stop.
I fell in love this week. I wasn’t expecting it. One moment I was skipping through traffic on a well known road, irritating cyclists and winking at traffic wardens when BAM. Out of nowhere this car I’d thought I’d avoided took me out for the count. It was a cream jaguar, a restored classic with leather seats and a pleasant whine to the engine. A niche market car. And lying on that metaphorical tarmac staring up at that metaphorical car, I couldn’t help but notice how damn beautiful it was.
Those first moments when you realise you’ve fallen in love, are filled with shock and wonder. How did this happen? Why? Who could have done this to me? Then you begin to feel the way that speeding car hit you, you feel the difference in your life, the little vibrations. After the shocks worn off you go into hospital for treatment. You enter into negotiations with the jaguar owner for compensation and future agreements and interactions. You tell your friends and confide your doubts, you tell your mother and bring him home for dinner, you float on a haze of love drug. After the treatment completes you try to adjust to normal life again, even though you can feel the way it has changed you. Something in your walk, your smile, your tone of voice, everything you see is different. And you don’t stray near any traffic. Traffic dodging doesn’t even cross your mind. The image of the jaguar is imprinted in your vision, on your heart. And you’ll never be the same again.

Debbimouse is over and out, too full of gooey mush :3