New Beginnings

So. Here I am. I’m blogging from the IT suite at Falmouth University.
Are you surprised? Did you think I’d make it?
Here I am, two weeks in. I LOVE the work. I love learning again, I love writing again and discussions in classes and broadening my mind to new opinions and new ways of thinking. However, I am worried that this degree will scare me out of writing. I don’t think I want to be a writer anyway, not an author as such. I want to be a critic, or a journalist. And you know what? I reckon I’d be pretty damn good at it. Giving opinions, studying and researching. I’m thriving in this.
Of course, that’s only the one side to life.
What of the underbelly of university life? The all night drinking and orgies?
Well, lets just say last night was the first in 16 days that I didn’t have a single drink and more than four hours sleep. As for the orgies, I’ll keep you guessing 😉
I have to say though, it’s nothing special. Nothing more fun than my nights out back home or at a festival. Drinking is the same the world over, wherever you do it. And all the people gagging for sex kind of repulse me. Not that I’m exactly a nun, or subtle when it comes to being on the pull. But as everyone who reads my blog knows, I am a total screaming hypocrite, and proud!
As much as I am always willing for a crazy night out (house party tonight yeahhhhh) I actually enjoy the lectures and seminars much, much more. This was the best decision I ever made. I don’t miss living with my parents (although I do obviously miss them!), I love meeting new people and making new friends. My house mates are fantastic people, I totally adore them, I’m joining societies and having fun.
My only regret is that I can’t have my best friend with me in all of this. There is definitely some gutpunching that needs to be done around here! I feel like one half of Tom and Jerry, Elizabeth Barrett-Browning without her Robert. My Deni and just become Debbi.
But I solider on, and even without my bffl I’m coping reasonably well with the fact my cuntface ex broke up with me halfway through freshers (BY ANSWERPHONE MESSAGE NO LESS). Nah, he’s not a cunt, just a bit of an idiot and a lot confused. Oh well, he’ll be missing his sexy vixen and I’ll be running up the hills singing WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY (because I love that song) and flirting with anyone I please.
Debbimouse, off to enjoy life, over and out ❤

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Confessions of a broken hearted slut (poetry edition)

This post is gonna be a little different to my usual stuff. The other night I was thinking about broken hearted slut stuff and decided to write a blog post to get it off my chest. However the result was more like poetry than prose. So while I’ll post it here today, it more likely belongs on my booksie site (look me up- username: honeybee lilico)

Lying awake, alone, again tonight.
’cause you were on my mind.
I’m missing you again tonight,
Wishing I had been more kind.
Wishing I’d had the foresight,
To be a nicer girl.
Instead of loving every minute with you,
I let unpleasant things unfurl.
Wishing I could just call you up,
And apologise one last time.
Wishing I could hear you say “I love you”,
Rather than just echoes in my mind.

I’m lying awake in tears tonight,
It’s quite a regular thing.
The pain in my chest grows strong tonight,
The scars of our brief fling.
Clutching at my necklace,
I’m feeling rather reckless.
But I know it’s best,
To let this rest;
Even when the current state,
Does little to make my pain abate.
And instead I am left to cringe.

I’ll keep lying awake, alone at night,
Maybe to my dying day.
You’ll stay on my lovesick mind tonight,
As if that first kiss was yesterday.
By my recollection,
That first kiss was perfection,
And I don’t want it ever to die.

If I had a choice of beds tonight,
It would be yours that I’d choose.
A chance to try and make it right,
That argument I’ll always lose.
I won’t accept that it’s impossible,
Whilst I know you don’t really try.
I am heavy with the memories lost to us,
Full of endless tears to cry.

Lying awake, alone tonight,
I really should have known.
I don’t want a single word from you,
Not a tear, not a breath, not a groan.
For I know you loved me too.
It’s the thought that gets me through tonight,
When my mind begins to fade.

I’ll leave you alone tonight,
And every day until forever.
You didn’t want this crazy girl,
Who thought herself far too clever.
So I’ll try and grant that heart breaking wish,
And build myself a wall.
Between me and you.
I don’t doubt you’ll build one too.
Brick by brick,
Until there’s nothing left for the two of us,
But my broken heart,
Shattered in the dust,
Lying next to all my memories of you.

Debbimouse, over and out.