Withdrawal

It’s been a while since I wrote down my thoughts, and I think it’s about bloody time. I shouldn’t bottle as much as I do.

The last week, I’ve had a very interesting experience. I stopped taking my antidepressants for five days (long story, but it wasn’t deliberate or purposeful). Now I’ve been on these things since April 2012. That’s a very long time in drug land. At this point, my body has stopped producing serotonin and other happy brain chemicals by itself. So for five days I lived life with no happy buzz, no hormones to help me deal. And fuck me, did it change my perspective on life. Having lived in a drug induced haze, helped along by alcohol for a REALLY long time, it was terrifying and exhilarating to live without it. Mostly terrifying. Like really terrifying. I spent every day crying and having panic attacks and wanting to die, but for the first time in years I could also think fucking clearly. Reality slapped me in the face and rode me up and down the street like a rodeo bull. It said LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU DOING IT? The last three months I’ve just been bumbling along doing the bare minimum I need to get by. eating just enough, sleeping just enough (or not enough mostly), drinking more than I should, smoking like a coal powered power station and doing the absolute least work for university that I could manage.

And I needed that reality check. I needed the screaming down my ear of complete reality unhindered by hormones and drugs to get my shit sorted. It said, why are you at university if you’re not working? Why pay £9000 a fucking year to be lazy? Why drink for no reason when hal the time you don’t even enjoy it? It also said a lot of painful and unnecessary things, so don’t get me wrong, I would NEVER EVER recommend someone going cold turkey off their medication (and I didn’t intend to do so either!). That reality also told me that I was worthless, fat, ugly, stupid, slutty, bitchy, selfish and a million and one unhelpful things.

So, whilst I’m glad to now be back on drug buffered life, that experience has changed my attitude, because by god did it need changing. Don’t ever for a minute take your own life for granted people. Life is so incredible and precious, so I need to stop wasting it. As do half the rest of the world.

Debbimouse, over and out.

I won’t apologise for being me.

Never back down when life gets difficult. Never give up when it stops being easy. To misquote Shakespeare, “If life be rough with you, be rough with life!” you are never too young or too stupid to chase after your dreams. Light that spark, run that extra mile and live to every last breath in your body. Nobody ever says it’s going to be easy, and you have to fight every damn day like today is your last. Make yourself proud. It doesn’t matter who else is proud of you, but never be a disappointment to yourself. Write for your heart, paint for your dreams and sing for your soul. Dance under that full moon and laugh until you’re breathless. There is no standard of value for life, you will always be “good enough”. No one is ever worthless, find the potential within you. Don’t get drowned in the system, take responsibility for your life. If you fail one goal, set yourself a new one. Nothing is ever the end. The world is full of endless possibility and light. And love. Always love. Love what you do and who you are. You are stronger than the infinitesimal “them”. Stick it to the man. Put down the burdens you carry, don’t run from a past but just leave it behind. Where it belongs. Feel to the extent of every bone and muscle and nerve in your body. And be you. Always you. There’s nothing more noble or fulfilling than finding yourself and gifting it to the world. You are precious. You ARE amazing. You ARE everything you need to be and you can always strive for what you truly want. There is no adversary too great, no mountain too high, no sea too wide. You ARE the human race. Be wonderful. Open your eyes to the wonders that surround you and embrace it. Be the best that you can be. The centre of life is you, your spark, your uniqueness. Live and love and give. Seek that new horizon and chase it.
Be empowered.

Debbimouse (cameoing as an inspirational life guru) over and out. Going to chase my dreams.

NAKED CUPCAKE TIME!

It came to my attention recently that although I say in my tagline that I post baking tips and nudist experiences, i have yet to do EITHER. So this is intended to rectify that oversight.

NAKED BAKING TIME!!!

>Baking is the most fun when done naked, mostly naked, half naked or in a balldress/wedding dress. Normal dress makes normal cakes, but we the chosen few with the balls to discover new things, will make AWESOME cakes :3

>Most important thing to do before you start baking is to make sure you have the right ingredients and equipment. BE PREPARED. I rarely preweigh out things as i use guessimation as my biggest tool, but you can do that if you have no idea what 250gs of flour looks like.

>My passion is for finding new recipes for dairy free, or egg free, or glueton free cakes, desserts, puddings and treats. Replacements, alternatives and improvements. I take recipes as a guideline and make my own rules. It is SO MUCH FUN.

Now, down to business. Behold, my latest baking experiments….
RUM AND RAISIN CUPCAKES!!!
From Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World by Isa Chandra Moskowitz & Terry Hope Romero
They were a definite success, although as they become less fresh I recommend icing them! The recipe was 100% vegan and one of the first American recipes I’ve used that i didn’t struggle with. American recipes often require ingredients i don’t have and cannot easily obtain, and have bizarre measurement proportions. For example the recipe claimed to make a batch of twelve. I made nearly thirty reasonably sized cupcakes. Something us brits have to look out for as an American cupcake appears to be three times the size of what we would call a cupcake!
Debbimouse over and out for now!